Sometimes, it’s hard to be honest about parenting; everyone knows it’s one of the hardest things to do, but knowing and going through it are two different things. It’s like you’re in the trenches, it’s like you’re stuck, it’s like this ongoing war, like it never ends. But it’s true, it’s the fact that parenting can be genuinely relentless, but personal, as if needing support means someone didn’t try hard enough. And society makes you feel that way, there are horrible people out there that make you feel that way, people who aren’t even parents, you name it, but those ideas get spewed around even though they shouldn’t.
But, real talk here, the parents who look like they’ve got it all handled usually have support. It’s just not always visible. It’s grandparents doing school pickup. It’s a neighbour who swaps playdates. It’s a therapist. It’s a partner who actually carries their side. It’s systems. It’s routines. It’s helpful. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and well, not everyone has that village.
You Need to Start by Treating Support Like a Tool
Well, yeah, support can feel awkward at first, because it can feel like admitting something. Like you’re weak, but no, no, you’re not. So, seriously, it’s not admitting to anything at all here! Seriously, you absolutely need to see support as a tool, like a stroller, like a calendar, like a grocery delivery subscription, like noise-cancelling headphones for a kid who needs them, you probably get the point now. But tools exist because some tasks are too much without them.
So, is there anything in particular that’s making parenting hard? Oftentimes, for parents who are navigating a child with disability, they’ll usually need to reach out for help, oftn times that’s a part of their toolkit rather than juggling everything in silence (while literally being burnt out and reaching a breaking point).
And so, depending on your situation, even the location and eligibility, that can include looking into HCS providers as one option for home and community support. But this is just an example, and again it depends on you and your child’s situation. But the whole point here is to see help and support as tools, not a “shame on you for needing help” sort of mentality.
Stop Waiting Until Burnout Forces the Issue
It’s so incredibly dangerous to be burntout as a parent. At the start, it usually shows up as snapping at small things, crying in a bathroom, feeling numb, feeling resentful, or feeling like every single request is too much. And then there’s guilt for feeling that way, which is honestly just unfair. But it gets worse, the more you try to bury it, the worse it gets, which becomes a danger to you, your coparent, and of course, your kids too.
So, earlier is better, really; it can’t be stressed enough here. Just ask for help before everything feels urgent. Book the appointment before the breaking point. And just set up the backup plan before the week goes sideways. If the brain is saying, “It shouldn’t be this hard,” that’s not weakness talking; it’s information.
Talk to Yourself Like You’d Talk to a Friend
Alright, so imagine a friend says, “I’m overwhelmed, and I think I’m failing.” Well, it’s pretty obvious here that no decent person responds with, “Yeah, probably.” A friend would get compassion, reality checks, and practical support. Well, you deserve that for yourself, don’t you?
